Fathers and Daughters

I know coming on the heels of a fan poem for The Phantom of the Opera, the first line of this fan poem for Fathers and Daughters comes off as a little distracted, but it’s such a good line, I had to steal it. The performances of Kylie Rogers, Amanda Seyfried and Russell Crowe are unforgettable in this film – the story of a girl who needs her father back, to feel brave enough to let herself love again. This poem, based on the 77th Psalm, is especially close to my heart, and is dedicated to those who have lost loved ones too soon, too suddenly, too young.

My father promised me – just let me stand here, please.
My father sang to me – just let me answer, please.
In the panics of childhood, I reached for him.
My eyes stiffen with salt by night, it won’t stop.
I don’t want to be told that’s ok.
I dwell on his absence, strain against the loss.
I have nothing to say for myself, no pride.
You forced me to feel with my whole heart again.
I recoiled from the pain, I had no words.
I could lose myself in his memory,
the world we made maps onto the world entire.
This is the song I pull to myself in the cold.
Let it speak to my heart, for I ask myself,
will the love that was real never touch me again,
can no one bear to hold me through the night?
Is the warmth of my childhood erased from life,
are the promises kept by the dead unmade?
Can my father still leave me, in memory, too,
would he blame me for running from hope and fear?
In my heart I believe I have let him down,
and he hid his face from my gaze in shame.
I try to bring him back before my mind’s eye,
when I hear his works held up as an example.
I recite the smallest things he said to me,
and read aloud from his last masterpiece.
He taught me how to see and feel and do.
Where else can his daughter turn for faith and truth?
My father’s joys, to me, were miracles.
The wider world acclaimed him, too, in time.
He came back, when he seemed lost to me forever,
he never changed to me, never gave up.
The way my body needs the touch of water,
the way the senses tremble at the thought,
my whole heart thrilled when we both sang this song.
The way the sky withholds and then pours down.
The way round thunderclaps reverberate.
That was how his laughter filled my soul up.
The clattering ignition launching satellites –
that was how he typed his book about us.
His readers shared our triumphs, laughed and wept.
He wrote the way a navigator writes,
and sought uncharted places in the heart,
where things so near we miss them can be found.
My father led me here – somehow he knew,
this song was sent to bring me back to you.

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Filed under Acting, Dream Ensemble, Fathers and Daughters, Music, Poetry

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